I Choose to Live While I’m Here

I am finally in a place with space for peace. Though I can’t stop it, I am time rich because I have more of it. I am at a job that matters only when I am there and it is only one of the things, not the most important thing, about me. Instead of it being all consuming all hours of my waking life, I get to go, I give my best, enjoy the company of few co-workers and plentiful children I can give my brightest smiles and kind words to. I don’t have to think about it when I leave, make calls about it, answer emails, promote it, write newsletters about it, race against the clock to steal time to do it, network day and night…. I can leave the house ten minutes before I begin and am back home with time to nap before picking up the kids from school, take our time to enjoy great and difficult discussions in the car and over afternoon snacks. When I am better from the mini surgery, I can walk with the dog or bike before I go into work again. I finally have head space to feel myself alive and can take my time to be alone with my thoughts – however good or bad at it, a wife – however good or bad at it, a mom – however good or bad at it, a friend – however good or bad at it, a daughter… sister…. I have never felt more FREE. And all it took over the last few years to get to this place? Letting more and more go. Oh I fought it. Very hard. I put my dukes up and had to fall down and break open, several times, before I put my fighting fists down. You know what happened then? Did the world stop spinning? Surprisingly, not at all. I actually found, instead, that I got to breathe again or, perhaps in my case, for the first time ever.